'We're a same sex couple waiting to adopt a child - here are the realities that no one tells you'

CBBC stars and content creators Matthew Mackinnon and Ryan Payne have been together for almost 10 years and are now preparing to step into parenthood by adopting a child. Their journey hasn't been easy, with intense training, a lengthy process, being 'ghosted', and the feeling of 'frustration', but they're keen to open up the conversation and share every step on the road to becoming parents.

To mark Pride Month, Matthew, 32, and Ryan, 30, who have worked regularly with Disney, CBBC and CBeebies, spoke exclusively to the Mirror about their adoption journey as a same sex couple. "We've always wanted to start a family, and being a same sex couple, there aren't a lot of options," says Matthew.

Opening up about their decision to adopt, Ryan adds: "I think for me, being in care growing up, I've always thought of adoption as one route to explore. We did explore surrogacy, and we went to a few meetups, but we just felt it wasn't really for us.

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"So we explored adoption, and it just felt right." Matthew continues: "We were really cautious because there were lots of myths that you see in old 90s films and TV shows. There's this whole thing around adoption, but we've really tried to raise awareness that it's not actually like that."

"You see a lot of stuff online, like you have to own your house, you can't be single, some places don't like same sex couples, but it's just not the case," Ryan notes.

The couple, who have been together for almost 10 years and got married in June 2024, admitted that it was overwhelming when they first started their adoption journey, and it was "their only option" to start a family. "All these things run in your mind, what if you get a social worker that doesn't like you, what if it doesn't work out, but as soon as you start the process, that does ease off quite a lot," Matthew shares.

Ryan and Matthew started the process in January 2024 and have since completed all their required training, including work experience in a nursery, first aid, and many other "tick box" requirements. In addition, they've had medical and DBS checks. "It was intense and there was a lot of information at once," says Ryan.

"You have a lot of one-on-ones with the social workers where you talk about your support network, your family and your childhood, Matthew adds.

"They really go through absolutely everything," Ryan elaborates. "They go through your relationship, your past, any past traumas. We've had to be really open and vulnerable. It's been emotional because until you're in it, you don't know how you'll react.

"For me, being in care, I was quite young and I didn't know all the ins and outs as to why I was in care, but they got my whole social worker report and went through it with me in one of the sessions. I didn't even know some of the reasons, and that was really tough.

"We get what they've got to do, because it's a human life we're caring for, but it's also that people can give birth where they don't have to do all of these things. You understand why, but it doesn't stop you feeling a little bit frustrated.

"We also have the panel, which I always refer to like X Factor, they either say yes or no, and it's the scariest point because if they say no, I can't be a dad, which is a really big pill to swallow."

Matthew also shares his thoughts: "It's so long and you want to get it done, it is a bit of a commitment. We have set days with social workers to visit, we have a big report about why we'd be great to adopt, and there's so much that goes into it time-wise."

They are now excitedly viewing children's profiles and being approached for potential matches, but this hasn't been easy.

Ryan shares: "It's definitely been quite hard because there have been times where we put our application for a child, and sometimes you get rejected, but they don't really tell you why. Sometimes you get ghosted, so you're just left with all of those feelings like, 'Am I the problem?'

"You kind of visualise them in your life, you can't help it. So it's probably the biggest struggle we've found and we didn't really know about."

Matthews adds: "You're definitely in limbo, but I think it's because they're so stretched and there are so many kids that need homes." They explain that some areas in the UK have "different policies" and some "don't have to get back to you", while others ensure they do, either way.

"At first, we were looking for matches with a child every day, but now it's a bit unhealthy," Ryan shares. "It's the first time when you see their little faces, it's quite a lot because you want to help every kid and you want to give every kid a home. So it's been hard to say no to some kids because you feel like you're not the right fit. That's been tough."

Matthew elaborates: "We're hoping for under one, and sometimes there's more of a wait for that sort of age. We wanted to experience as young as possible for our fatherhood journey." Ryan adds: "And we've always said if we were going to adopt again, we'd probably adopt slightly older, but under one is just how we've envisioned our family."

The couple said they're open to either gender and are waiting to decorate a nursery. Ryan adds that he has an Amazon wishlist just waiting to press 'buy' for when they receive their long-awaited news of welcoming a child into their life.

"We're in this limbo at the moment, but we know it's going to happen, but it's hard. We could get a call tomorrow, you don't know when it will happen, but we've got a support network at the ready," Matthew shares.

Ryan and Matthew have been documenting their journey to adoption on their TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram accounts to help share the realities and to support others as they go. "We see a lot of people having families, especially same sex families, through surrogacy, but we've not seen one family that shared the whole adoption journey. They share the end where they've adopted their kids, but never shared the entire journey," Ryan explains.

"We really want to raise awareness and break the old-fashioned barriers with it." Matthews adds: "Also, when we've looked things up online, because it's hard to talk to family and friends who go through birth naturally because it's just so different, it can be a bit lonely.

"Trying to find other people online or other communities is really difficult. So when we've shared things online, it's been amazing how many people then come forward with their stories and people not realising that adoption could be for them, which is great for rehoming kids too. It also helps them feel like they're not alone."

Ryan also says: "It opens up the conversations about adoption and it helps modernise it, which we've always wanted to do." Matthew adds: "We're a same sex couple and that doesn't stop anything."